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You have to realize reality isn’t fantasy (but it can be better.) The more you focus on how “perfect” things were with your lover, the more you put at jeopardy the chance of working things out with your spouse.
You can’t see the real love you have (or can create) through the drunken haze of “affair goggles.” What you have to do is stop comparing and work with your spouse on your very real relationship.
The unfortunate part of fantasy is no real relationship can live up to that “perfect fantasy” you have created with your lover.
Truthfully, your affair and lover wouldn’t stand up to the harsh light of reality either.
If you need to swallow your impatience and show your remorse stronger, do it.
If they need to keep tabs on you, then let them know where you are.
Don’t keep in touch with your ex-lover, focus on your healing work.
There are many books out there, but how do you know which is the one? Here are three mistakes I see cheaters make again and again when couples are trying to reconcile after an affair. Emotionally an affair feels really good: it has intensity, a hint of “danger” which adds spice, and “everything is perfect.” However, an affair is fantasy. If you choose to work things out with your spouse, then no personal contact at all with your former lover. Even things you may try to explain as “just talking to a friend.” Remember . If feasible, it is probably a good idea one of you leave the job. Because it is too easy to slip back into the unhealthy behaviors. That will only prolong your agony, not make it go away. But it’s better to go through this pain now than postpone it for later and live in false hope.
Help heal it, do your own work, and ask for what you would like from them.